uppa!

introducing...

lee seon gyeon

my newest uppa! haahha =)

teruja!

the time now is 1144. in about another 30min it'll be lunch break. then another 5hrs i'll be off for the much anticipated weekend trip. weeeee.... gle excited!

its been so long since i last met them. and rinduuuu gile2. plus i need a vacation. i need some time out. specifically, i need my friends to bring the craziness back out of me. coz i've been stuck here with no friends, no time to socialize. i'm becoming such a good kid. in other words mandom la. spending everyday at work from 8 to 5. then klo rajin p jalan2 perabes duit jap after 5. mlm dok umah tgk tv. weekend also was spent lepaking with family at home or go and perabes what's left of my money somewhere in ipoh. or mph or secret recipe. huuhhu. event tho shibah de je kt tepeng ni tp kitorg xpenah jpe. other friends tu ade la jgak bpe kerat. but after work i was either too worn out or too malas to go out again. haaah

about this trip, i dont mind if we dont go anywhere. even if we just lepak around ipoh. as long as i'm with my bunch of friends. i just want to talk, gossip, joke around until my mouth is sore from too many laughs. the point is, i just want to see my friends. and catch up on life. hee

so, can't wait! jarum jam, cepatla bergerak ye.

anyways, to those celebrating their birthday today, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! many2 happy returns of the day. to those who haven't noticed, today is rather a special day seeming it only comes once in every 4yrs. it's leap year ppl! so, those yg berkenaan, dont forget to celebrate extravagantly. and in style to cover up for the 4yrs you had been missing to celebrate. and then wait patiently for your next bday another 4yrs ya ;p

triggers

td aku p ikot lin p skool yg dia akn jd ktm. sekolah rendah. kiut gile tgk bdk kecik2 lari sana sini. kebetulan ms ktorg smpai tu tgh time rehat. mmg la bdk2 ni serbu kantin. pastu makan sume sememeh. abes sos tumpah2 kt baju. ble aku tegur cane makan ni smpai baju kotor2 dorg sengih2 je. cute. tgk dorg main aci tiang. hahaa

then tgk meja2 dorg yg kecik2. xlepas lutut pn klo aku duduk. de kaler pensil dlm laci. tingat dlu sume blumba kaler pencil sape lg hebat. yg kotak besar ke. xpon yg 1pensil de 2kaler. slalu brand yg famous luna la. yg klako pengetua skolah tu td (laki yg agk berusia. 40+ kot) ringtone hp dia pencinta wanita. hikhik. polis yg ikot skali plak td lgu kekasih gelap (ni boleh dimaapkn sbb dia cm muda sket)

watching all this triggered the memories ms aku skolah dulu. rindduuuuu sgt. time skolah rendah, menengah, matrix, uni. ni la org kata ms skolah xsabar nk abes. nk klua. nk keje. da keje nk balik blaja plak. tu la manusia... xpenah puas dgn apa yg ada.. always wanting more. and too often the thing we want most is the one we can't have.

yes or no?

i haven't advertised my blog to anyone. except wahida (dia ckp aku berdosa klo xbg add kt dia. ceit!)

should i? bkn pe. mcm rs semacam plak klo org bc post2 mrepek aku nih. bc thoughts aku. lg plak post yg aku tbe2 emo outburst

so, should i? or not?

can't think of a title

i finished off two books last week. both about love and dying. how depressing. the 1st was about a dead husband leaving his wife letters for a year (one for each month) to help her through her grieving process. and another was about how a spoiled youngster fell in love with the sweetest girl ever, who changed him, only to realize later that she was suffering from leukimia and she died eventually. nice, bittersweet tales. both stories didn't made me cry. just sad and i have to admit a little teary- eyed. but i did cry the night i finished the 2nd book. not because of it, but because of my past. my own story. yeah, pathetic, i know. hah. loser

i had once thought of how if i don't hv him, then he's better off dead. did that sound right? no. let me rephrase it. i'm not that twisted i think. if i don't hv him, then i prefer not having him because he's dead. i'd rather hv him dead knowing he loved me than having him alive knowing there's really no love for me anymore. paham ke pe yg aku merepek nih. and was that still twisted? haish

it was such a small portion of my past but turned out to be bigger than i expected. the thing that happened left me mourning at times. funny what a fool love can make out of you. there were times when i was having better days, where i could bring myself to say wow, i feel great. i'm doing well. i'm coping. i'm ok. but then, after a while it hit. smacked me right in the face, between my eyeballs. and i came back down. oh, those things i said earlier were really just hopes. things i wish i could really feel. sure, i felt it for the moment. but that was all there is. just for the fleeting moment.

i know that what i'm dealing with was minor. there were ppl far worse than me, with bigger life-impact problems. like those whose countries are at wars. no idea what the future holds, heck, they don't even know if they will survive the day. ppl living in poverty. ppl xcukup makan. i do know that mine was nothing. i do know that i'm lucky to be living my life. and i'm not trying to be dramatic. it's just that... things get hard sometimes and i sooo wish it could be better. i wish i could change how i feel. i wish i could wake up and realize. i wish i could do better. i wish i could get over this. i wish upon wishes that one day i could finally say i'm ok and really mean it

and no.. i wouldn't want him dead no matter how much i cursed him. i want him to live a happy life. a long, happy, prosperous life. full of laughter. no pain. just pure happiness. really. oh, this sucks

FORGIVE

that single word above my friend, is the piece of advice for me today

a while ago, i bought this thing called the 'inspirational scroll' (poyo). it was actually just a piece of paper, with a box written 'this is my life' for you to paste your pic on it, some rules and lots of advice written in some kind of checkered boxes. so here are the rules

1. close your eyes (no cheating!)
2. point your finger to one of the boxes and follow the advice written on the box your finger lands on

i hang the scroll on my closet's door but hv never actually point my finger there or follow anything before. just pagi ni trase nk pint point. so, forgive huh? hmph. nak forgive sape ni. altho there is this one person i thought i've forgiven but on another thought, maybe not. okkaayyy. i'll go and think of someone to forgive or go find someone to forgive. sape yg da wat dosa ngn aku, come come find me today coz i am all up to forgive u. the offer stands open for 24hrs je ok. so, quick!

myse

hp aku da bengong. hp tu sndrik da bengong. memory kad pn da bengong. tatau bpe kali format da. uhuk2. jgn arr camni syg... aku tade duit g nk bli hp baru. act bengong2 pn bleh pakai lg. tp time dia bengong tu wat aku gle geram. nk je cmpk dan2 tu pastu beli baru

i vowed pasni klo aku de hp baru (tah ble la) aku akan jg elok2
1. aku xkan lg letak ko dlm helmet ms jln2 window shopg pastu slamber agkt helmet nk pakai smpai ko jatuh bedebuk ats jalan tar dan terkikis kulit bdn ko
2. aku xkan lg campak ko atas katil sampai ko tergolek jatuh atas lantai keras tu
3. aku xkan lg terlepas ko ms aku tgh berdiri. sian ko. mesti skt kn jatuh
4. aku xkan lg biar sis mai terpijak ko pasai aku letak ko mrate2 atas lantai hall
5. aku xkan lg tindih ko ms tdo or letak ko tepi bantal smpai ko jatuh lg ats lantai keras tu
6. aku xkan lg wat mcm2 bnd lain yg dianggap menganiaya ko. huhu

ampun syg. jgn la wat hal yek. behave!!