the day i'm mildly thinking why oh why??

~there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go ~Author Unknown

different people do different things for different reasons. yeah, yeah, i get that. but this person, doing this thing? and may i spit this out loud; for whatever f***ing reason you scum?

i'm gonna put this in a metaphor (kind of)

situation:
you had a dog A. you loved it dearly and vice versa. or at least you thought so. until one day, it suddenly bit you hard, leaving a wound so deep until you boleh dikatakan menderita kerana penyakit anjing gila for years after. and you parted ways. you gave it up to an animal shelter or something, though you went there willingly occasionally to pat it. some time later, dog A came back with a dog B and dog B suddenly wanted to make nice to you, for no obvious reasons. nak ke be nice?

i don't get it. why nak make friends? ke aku yang lembab when i say i don't get this? and why so ignorant? knowing something and yet..

si gila, stupid asshole, #$%@##@!#$

sometimes you feel like a fake. talking nice to the face but bitching behind his back. but you couldn't help it. you would so love to spit everything out, to pour out all of your dissatisfaction and hurt straight to the dog. like 'oi! why you bite me a?'. but you just can't. you don't know if it is because you couldn't or you wouldn't. couldn't because doing that means admitting that you still yearns for the dog which will make the dog prouder than ever. and wouldn't because you do not have the heart nor the courage to do it for the sake of past love. and for fear of losing the you-dog friendship. although it had not bring any good whatsoever, it is still THE friendship, something you NEED to keep though the reason is oblivious even to you. did that made you sound like a cowardice?

i don't know who's more stupid here

(a) dog A for always being so ignorant and had the nerve to bring dog A to make nice
(b) dog B for wanting to make nice. i mean, what the hell were you thinking?
(c) you for continuing to pat the dog even though it had shitted on you many times before. owh, and you can expect more to come in the future too

dumb, dumber, dumbest. take your pick readers

~the language of friendship is not words but meanings ~Henry David Thoreau

to the dog: i wish you could mean what you say. walk the talk, you dog! and sorry for the dog reference. no pun intended. well okaay, maybe just a little. but i just couldn't think of any other metaphors right now okay

the day i'm talking about music and chiaki senpai =)

warning: this post may be filled with lots of photos and bias comments leaning towards chiaki senpai. hehe

My idea is that there is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. ~Edward Elgar

i have always loved listening to music. and music is kind of my escapism. i turn to music whenever i'm sad. tuning into something to distract my mind, something to cry on, something to laugh on. and it actually works you know. music as a theraphy. for me la, at least. anyway, i listen to songs, music with wordings. it never really came to me to listen to music only. like instrumentals i mean. besides kenny g's the moment, and that's just it

but recently, i came across this japanese drama, nodame cantabile. awesome gila! it had once been aired on 8tv but i didn't catch it back then. now dapat pinjam cd and the story was layaaan siot. about a number of students in music school. gorgeous chiaki who specialized in piano and violin but dreams of becoming a conductor. and cutie- pie nodame who learns piano but just wants to play it happily and dreams of becoming a kindergarden teacher instead. and other characters as well like the gay masumi, si gatal milch stresseman, pengerusi rambut naruto (lupe nama)

so the story revolves around each of them trying to achieve own's dream, playing in an orchestra, having the biggest crush on chiaki (who wouldn't?) and berebut chiaki (again, who wouldn't? hehe). anyway, this is a must- watch. the comic- like performance was damn funny. i have yet to watch the sequel which i am waiting patiently. hmph. here's some pixs

chiaki dlm pose ingin membuli nodame. dan yang lain masing2 dlm pose pelik. hikhik

part of the cast

the comic version. the tv series was adapted from this original version. gila sebijik

haish. sweetnye lah..

and this is the oh-so-gorgeous chiaki senpai!

his actual name is hiroshi tamaki

chiaki working his magic on the violin. sangat berlagak in an adorable way

suka suka suka! i lurve music. and chiaki senpai of course. hehe. the whole story was filled with classical music at all times. from mozart, schubert, beethoven and all those genius musicians which i can't quite grasp their names. the music was really nice though, thus another reason to enjoy the show! bravo! do go watch ok?

There is in souls a sympathy with sounds:
And as the mind is pitch'd the ear is pleased
With melting airs, or martial, brisk or grave;
Some chord in unison with what we hear
Is touch'd within us, and the heart replies.
~William Cowper

the day i'm quoting of lurve

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. ~Author Unknown

Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway. ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975

haha. funny but true, innit?

the day i'm keen on expressing my thoughts through songs

~it's those sweet little nothings that make her feels like something~

Kukatakan dengan indah dengan terbuka
Hatiku hampa
Sepertinya luka menghampirinya

Kau beri rasa yang berbeda
Mungkin kusalah mengartikannya
Yang kurasa cinta

Tetapi hatiku
Selalu meninggikanmu
Terlalu meninggikanmu
Selalu meninggikanmu

Kau hancurkan hatiku hancurkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu
Kau terangi jiwaku kau redupkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu

Membuatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi
Membuatku merasakan yang tlah terjadi
Semua yang terbaik dan yang terlewati
Semua yang terhenti tanpa kuakhiri

+ ku katakan dengan indah by peterpan

often times we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. though that doesn't mean that we've stopped loving them or that we've stopped to care. sometimes, goodbye is a painful way to say i love you

Takkan lagi aku menunggu
Kau hadir di dalam mimpi-mimpiku
Puasku mengharapkan dirimu
Seperti mereka yang punya cinta

Diriku tanpa dirimu
Kau tempuhi penuh bahagia
Diriku mahu kau tahu
Pedih ini kau tak terasa

Warkahku mengharapkan dirimu
Seperti yang aku kenali dulu
Setiaku menantikan dirimu
Seperti setianya terhadap diriku

Tapiku melepaskan mu
Melangkah namun tak berdaya
Terusku terus menunggu
Cinta yang takkan pernah ada

+warkah by bau

the day i'm reporting my kl trip and the weekend as well

surprisingly, we didn't get lost and arrived damn early. 0730 i tell you (due to a certain person's advice to move early to avoid traffic jams). even warga kerja intan pun tak sampai seawal macam tu. registration started at 0830 and so we went to the cafeteria to kill some time

the talk was BORING as predicted. lin slept through out the whole talk while i managed to remain awake to catch a few bits of it here and there though there were those times occasionally in which i sailed away briefly to slumberland. talk ended and we went straight to midvalley and then back to bangi. again, without getting lost! wow, sangatlah kagum ye dengan kebolehan navigation diri sendiri. although i was quite blur differentiating kiri and kanan at almost all times. haha. and i put the blame on the signboard. seriously

so here is what i did in points. cause i'm too malas too elaborate panjang2

+ upon arriving, ate nasi daging merah dan malam keluar p cari jalan and later makan sate kajang. sampai sangat kenyang. ni la org kata eat till you drop

+ no shopping since the paying line was damn long and i didn't have the time to queue before the movie. sangat kagum dan gembira duit tak habis

+ watched the dark night. awesome awesome! the christian bale sangatlah handsome and macho in his batpod. and the joker? chilling performance yang gila hebat and psychotic. why so serious? love love!

+ minum air soda ceria at nymph's little garden. weird as it sounds, the drink managed to cheer me up though. haha

+ screamed my lungs out at the music box. reminisced some old, pathetic memories during some layan, jiwang songs. yuck

+ makan nasi dagang, packed my things, bought dunkins and balik

+ the house was empty since everybody were out everywhere and i forgot to bring my damn keys. had a friend to drop me in front of my house, panjat pagar, then lepak luar for a good 30 minutes in the nice cold wind from the rain, while eating mocha frost and listening to broery marantika's jangan ada dusta di antara kita. relaxing siot..

+called a certain someone twice. dia dah ada nombor maxis. i was not sad then but am sad later and now. weirdo

sunday was spent finishing nodame cantabile and spending some time with the drop dead gorgeous chiaki senpai! hehe. but the evening was spent moping around and crying. didn't even had dinner and went to sleep early. ish. apakah ini?

~what doesn't kill you makes you stranger~

the day i have a reason

another reason to get out of the office! yay! we got a letter yesterday about an executive talk somewhere in KL. and we were practically jumping at the chance to go there. haha

we don't give a damn about that talk. chances are probably 170% that it will be boring nak mampos. or more. who cares about that talk anyway, except maybe 'whatever' (this is a person which i unfortunately cannot disclose any name). we just wanted to get out. anywhere is good enough even if it is KL yang jauh just for a 2hour talk. although my heart is not really actually in it tp redah aje la

tak integriti kan? and so this evening we will leave dgn tak integritinya to KL for a talk about integriti. haha. gila ironic

ps. am thinking of how to tell big boss. we tak mintak permission pun. pandai2 buat keputusan sendiri nak pergi. ala.. bolehla boss.. semalam nak bagitau tp boss tak datang office pulak (alasan, but it's true!) teehee. boleh eh?

+edited at 0850
settled. boss da bagi permission. he said that the speaker is his friend (siapakah yang bukan? connection dia ni sangat maha luas) and he said "hangpa pegila. pastu boleh bawak balik pape nota. aku nak tgk sket ape dia nak cakap". ouch! ~baru ingat nak buat2 sesat and singgah midvalley instead. ish (chances are high that we will get lost. tak tipu!)