kali ni aku akan cuba tulis blog ni pure Bahasa Malaysia. yang formal, skema pny bahasa ye oleh kerana pe aku nk cite ni bersifat, hmm.. bersifat pe eh. skema kot. haha. okay. here goes..
semenjak aku menjadi salah seorang anggota perkhidmatan awam, yakni bekerja dengan kerajaan, agak banyak perkara telah aku lalui. namun belum cukup untuk mematangkan diri, untuk aku mendabik dada berbangga mengatakan aku sudah mahir dengan selok belok pekerjaan aku. aku masih dalam proses pembelajaran dan perjalanan aku masih sangat panjang.
dengan pekerjaan aku sekarang ini, keperluan untuk mengambil tahu mengenai isu- isu semasa dan peka dengan perkembangan sekeliling sangatlah penting. untuk tidak dikatakan seperti katak di bawah tempurung. jika suatu masa dahulu, apabila membaca suratkhabar, hanya bahagian hiburan yang aku tumpukan. namun sekarang ini, semua bahagian perlu dibelek, perlu dibaca dan tidak boleh diselak sahaja seperti dahulu
dahulu juga, sekiranya rakyat atau orang ramai menyuarakan ketidakpuasan hati mereka tentang perkhidmatan awam yang lambat, tidak efisien dan pelbagai lagi perkara yang buruk, aku tidak pernah ambil pusing. tidak pernah menyertai kutukan- kutukan mereka itu, tidak juga menafikan. namun, apabila diri aku sendiri berada dalam kerajaan, aku dapat melihat dan merasakan sendiri situasi kelembapan itu. tetapi, percakapan orang yang di luar tidak menggambarkan perkara yang sebenar.
memang diakui isu lambat menyelesaikan kerja itu memang terjadi tetapi bukanlah berpunca dari seorang individu sahaja. walaupun tidak dinafikan terdapat pegawai perkhidmatan awam yang culas dan tidak cekap, namun hakikatnya kita bekerja sebagai satu pasukan di mana setiap pihak bergantung di antara satu sama lain. untuk menyelesaikan sesuatu masalah, terdapat pelbagai peringkat dan proses yang perlu dilalui yang mana kadang kala apabila tergantung di satu peringkat akan menyebabkan kerja itu tergendala. keadaan ini berlaku di semua pentadbiran terutama sekali di pentadbiran peringkat daerah.
aaa.. penatnya nak menaip dalam full bm nih. pusing kepala otak nak susun ayat. tak nak sambung dah la. huhu. but not bad kan aku pny karangan considering it had been such a long time since i last wrote any real essay in bm
dont get me wrong. bukanla nak ckp aku ni tak reti bm. in fact, i speak excellent bm! (i think) tapi bile part2 nak mengarang ni, aduhhh.. lemah sangat. aku terpike bnd ni ble time keje sekarang ni nak mengarang surat sket pny payah aku nk pke ayat. nak wat minit yg pendek pun nak kne draf dulu. ko pe kes mai? nape rusty sgt your writing skill ni? ish3.
slalunye in terms of writing, i prefer writing in english. tak tau la nape. maybe dgn harapan bleh improve writing skills, grammars and vocab kot. tapi english biasa lah. kalau karangan macam fakta bukan takat english, bm pn aku fail! haha. ms skolah dulu pun homework karangan tak penahnye siap kat umah. buat intro sket, 1-2 perenggan then kt skolah bile awa da kutip homework orang lain, aku akan bukak, curik point or ayat sket2 and wat karangan aku plak. haha. mintak maap kawan2 5sains1. halalkan pape yang aku penah copy =P musykil jugak mcm mane bm spm aku bleh dapat 1. hmm..
20080529
20080523
how?
how come it's so hard to understand ppl's thoughts and actions? and feelings? i can't really even understand myself at times, let alone other ppl. and how to really get to know someone? i mean really, really know.
and how to make ppl understand us back? without really trying hard. i don't think i have ever been good at expressing myself. especially in terms of feelings. aku tak reti nak berkias2 ni. selalunya apa aku nak cakap, kalau aku btol2 trase nak cakap la, aku akan straightforward je. brutal honesty, as some ppl might say it. kalo tak tau mcm mane nk ckp, or tibe2 trase the need to jaga perasaan orang lain, aku diam je.
and how to judge or see ppl? tak kisahla dari segi appearance ke, attitude, or cara bercakap or pape jela. the other day, ade sorang nih, dia cakap dari segi appearance aku nampak agak nakal. hmm.. nakal?
really?
and how to make ppl understand us back? without really trying hard. i don't think i have ever been good at expressing myself. especially in terms of feelings. aku tak reti nak berkias2 ni. selalunya apa aku nak cakap, kalau aku btol2 trase nak cakap la, aku akan straightforward je. brutal honesty, as some ppl might say it. kalo tak tau mcm mane nk ckp, or tibe2 trase the need to jaga perasaan orang lain, aku diam je.
and how to judge or see ppl? tak kisahla dari segi appearance ke, attitude, or cara bercakap or pape jela. the other day, ade sorang nih, dia cakap dari segi appearance aku nampak agak nakal. hmm.. nakal?
really?
20080522
mika's happy ending
This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No Happy Ending
This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together
Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' everyday
2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong
I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on
A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' everyday
+no happy ending i guess then..
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No Happy Ending
This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together
Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' everyday
2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong
I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on
A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' everyday
+no happy ending i guess then..
20080521
from autumn to ashes' autumn's monologue
Oh why can't I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence of love and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't...
here i'm in between darkness and light
bleached and blinded by these nights
where i'm tossing and tortured til dawn
by you, visions of you then you're gone
the shock lifts the red from my face
when i hear someone's taking my place
how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel
when all, all that i did was for you
i break in two over you
i break in two and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you don't see me you don't..
i break in two over you
i break in two over you, over you
i break in two
i would break in two for you
now you see me
now you don't
now you need me
now you don't
+this had always been my favourite song. and had always been there to describe how i feel at times. and sadly to say, this is one of those times
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence of love and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't...
here i'm in between darkness and light
bleached and blinded by these nights
where i'm tossing and tortured til dawn
by you, visions of you then you're gone
the shock lifts the red from my face
when i hear someone's taking my place
how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel
when all, all that i did was for you
i break in two over you
i break in two and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you don't see me you don't..
i break in two over you
i break in two over you, over you
i break in two
i would break in two for you
now you see me
now you don't
now you need me
now you don't
+this had always been my favourite song. and had always been there to describe how i feel at times. and sadly to say, this is one of those times
20080520
a day with keane's
somewhere only we know
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
everybody's changing
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
everybody's changing
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right
penang weekend
2 trips to penang in one weekend. gigih tak?
my weekend was spent practically in penang. on saturday me+awa went for narnia at queensbay. walked around for some time. shopped 4 books. abeskan 100+. but no regrets. i need to get my mind off things. and i did. for that one day. pegi pagi dalam kol 9+. balik malam sampai umah about 9 jugak (why is it kalo aku kua dengan awa or wahida mesti dia telefon? maknanye need to go out with them more often eh kalo nak dia kol lagi? huhu) balik umah je dah terasa that depresssed feeling seeping out of me
the next day, kena paksa teman my sis pi kenduri. agak bengang. you know how i hate going to kenduri. tambah2 kalo org yang aku xkenal. bukannye ape. pegi makan tu tak kisah. tapi yg malasnya adalah nak bersiap, gosok bju, gosok tudung. just for a kenduri. haish..
lepas tu my sis talked to her friend about their trip to penang. pukul brape nak gerak, bla bla. and i started asking questions and diorang pun ajak aku join for an overnight trip. i was quite reluctant at first. was thinking about lepaking home, tido banyak, read my new books. but then, my thoughts wandered and i cried and thought of how dreadful it would be if i stayed home and ended thinking about things and wallowing my sorrows, crying. so i made an impromptu decision, pack my bag, gosok my tudung, siap2 and in 20 minutes i'm off to penang for the 2nd time that weekend
upon arriving, our 1st stop was the spice garden. i didn't exactly get it when my sis explained why she wanted to go there, as in WHY should we go there to look at some plants and daun2? after entering and exploring, still didn't get it tapi layaaaan jelaa. scenery was beautiful though. and sure enough there were lots of all these herbs and spices plants. you name it, they got it. before masuk, kena spray some kind of minyak serai ke pe ntah for protection again mosquitoes. tapi kena gigit jugak. i was busy snapping pics, not looking at the plants. haaha
malam tu went to the night market (shop some more. abes duit sket) and dinner at juru. planned to eat at this korean restaurant (which is what kind of got me interested to join this trip) tapi kedai tu tutup! alah.. frustnye. tak dapat digambarkan camne frustnye aku rasa masa tu. huhu. ended up eating nandos. aku tak pernah lagi btol2 lepak penang before ni. sure i had studied there in kmpp, i had been to penang numerous times before but had never actually really hang out there. but this weekend i had experienced a lil bit of penang. happening beb! tu baru sket. masa tu terpike bestnyeee kalo dok penang.. one very interesting place which i hope i will come back any time sooner. pics ade blambak tp aku malas nak upload
then isnin pegi gurney. jalan2 kejap and started our way back home. dah keluar highway tu, lepas tol, masuk pekan kamunting je aku dah start terasa sedih balik. datang balik sume sickening, saddening thoughts which i had left behind the previous day. God, i seriously need a life. or better, i need to learn to be grateful. and accept reality. seriously
things have changed. people changed. and macam wahida cakap, orang kalau nak berubah tak perlukan masa yang lama. true. over 1 day pun boleh. even 1 minute or seconds. and so i have to accept that. you know, i once said to myself that i will never trust people that easily ever again. and that was what i did exactly. always treading my steps carefully in life. never in too deep. holding back whenever i think necessary. and for the 1st time in almost 2 years, i let my guards down. but only to my disappointment. was that a wrong step i took? but how will we ever know if we don't take that chance? but what good is taking chances when you ended up hurt?
all these never- ending questions. still, no answers
my weekend was spent practically in penang. on saturday me+awa went for narnia at queensbay. walked around for some time. shopped 4 books. abeskan 100+. but no regrets. i need to get my mind off things. and i did. for that one day. pegi pagi dalam kol 9+. balik malam sampai umah about 9 jugak (why is it kalo aku kua dengan awa or wahida mesti dia telefon? maknanye need to go out with them more often eh kalo nak dia kol lagi? huhu) balik umah je dah terasa that depresssed feeling seeping out of me
the next day, kena paksa teman my sis pi kenduri. agak bengang. you know how i hate going to kenduri. tambah2 kalo org yang aku xkenal. bukannye ape. pegi makan tu tak kisah. tapi yg malasnya adalah nak bersiap, gosok bju, gosok tudung. just for a kenduri. haish..
lepas tu my sis talked to her friend about their trip to penang. pukul brape nak gerak, bla bla. and i started asking questions and diorang pun ajak aku join for an overnight trip. i was quite reluctant at first. was thinking about lepaking home, tido banyak, read my new books. but then, my thoughts wandered and i cried and thought of how dreadful it would be if i stayed home and ended thinking about things and wallowing my sorrows, crying. so i made an impromptu decision, pack my bag, gosok my tudung, siap2 and in 20 minutes i'm off to penang for the 2nd time that weekend
upon arriving, our 1st stop was the spice garden. i didn't exactly get it when my sis explained why she wanted to go there, as in WHY should we go there to look at some plants and daun2? after entering and exploring, still didn't get it tapi layaaaan jelaa. scenery was beautiful though. and sure enough there were lots of all these herbs and spices plants. you name it, they got it. before masuk, kena spray some kind of minyak serai ke pe ntah for protection again mosquitoes. tapi kena gigit jugak. i was busy snapping pics, not looking at the plants. haaha
malam tu went to the night market (shop some more. abes duit sket) and dinner at juru. planned to eat at this korean restaurant (which is what kind of got me interested to join this trip) tapi kedai tu tutup! alah.. frustnye. tak dapat digambarkan camne frustnye aku rasa masa tu. huhu. ended up eating nandos. aku tak pernah lagi btol2 lepak penang before ni. sure i had studied there in kmpp, i had been to penang numerous times before but had never actually really hang out there. but this weekend i had experienced a lil bit of penang. happening beb! tu baru sket. masa tu terpike bestnyeee kalo dok penang.. one very interesting place which i hope i will come back any time sooner. pics ade blambak tp aku malas nak upload
then isnin pegi gurney. jalan2 kejap and started our way back home. dah keluar highway tu, lepas tol, masuk pekan kamunting je aku dah start terasa sedih balik. datang balik sume sickening, saddening thoughts which i had left behind the previous day. God, i seriously need a life. or better, i need to learn to be grateful. and accept reality. seriously
things have changed. people changed. and macam wahida cakap, orang kalau nak berubah tak perlukan masa yang lama. true. over 1 day pun boleh. even 1 minute or seconds. and so i have to accept that. you know, i once said to myself that i will never trust people that easily ever again. and that was what i did exactly. always treading my steps carefully in life. never in too deep. holding back whenever i think necessary. and for the 1st time in almost 2 years, i let my guards down. but only to my disappointment. was that a wrong step i took? but how will we ever know if we don't take that chance? but what good is taking chances when you ended up hurt?
all these never- ending questions. still, no answers
20080516
i need to learn
teach me:
+how to love things i hate
+how to hate things i love
by love i mean really really really love
and by hate i don't mean pure hatred. just limited, lesser love. and enough hate so that i won't be that fool enough to let myself be hurt again
happy teacher's day anyway
+how to love things i hate
+how to hate things i love
by love i mean really really really love
and by hate i don't mean pure hatred. just limited, lesser love. and enough hate so that i won't be that fool enough to let myself be hurt again
happy teacher's day anyway
20080515
colbie caillat's realize
take time to realize
that your warmth is
crashing down on in
take time to realize
that i am on your side
didn't i, didn't i tell you
but i can't spell it out for you
no it's never gonna be that simple
no i cant spell it out for you
if you just realize what i just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
just realized what i just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now
take time to realize
i'm on your side
didn't i, didn't i tell you
take time to realize
this all can pass you by
didn't i tell you
but i can't spell it out for you
no it's never gonna be that simple
no i can't spell it out for you
it's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too
if you meet me half way
if you would meet me half way
it could be the same for you
if you just realize what i just realized
missed out on each other now
realize
+been playing in my head over and over again since i woke up this morning. so, why not post it? =(
that your warmth is
crashing down on in
take time to realize
that i am on your side
didn't i, didn't i tell you
but i can't spell it out for you
no it's never gonna be that simple
no i cant spell it out for you
if you just realize what i just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
just realized what i just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now
take time to realize
i'm on your side
didn't i, didn't i tell you
take time to realize
this all can pass you by
didn't i tell you
but i can't spell it out for you
no it's never gonna be that simple
no i can't spell it out for you
it's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it too
if you meet me half way
if you would meet me half way
it could be the same for you
if you just realize what i just realized
missed out on each other now
realize
+been playing in my head over and over again since i woke up this morning. so, why not post it? =(
20080514
avril lavigne's keep holding on
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know
I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
+something i need to keep reminding myself every day, every morning, every moment..
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know
I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
+something i need to keep reminding myself every day, every morning, every moment..
20080513
letto's permintaan hati
Terbuai aku hilang
Terjatuh aku dalam
Keindahan penantian
Terucap keraguan hati yang bimbang
Yang terhalang
Kepastian cinta
Aku... hilang...
Aku... hilang...
Tersabut kabut malam
Terbiasnya harapan
Yang tersimpan
Sejuta bertuan
Terasa kerinduan hati yang bimbang
Yang terhempas kepastian cinta
Dengarkanlah permintaan hati
Yang teraniaya sunyi
Dan berikanlah arti pada hidupku
Yang terhempas
Yang terlepas
Pelukkan mu
Bersamamu
Dan tanpamu
Aku hilang selalu
+ahha! newest addiction. i likeeee...
Terjatuh aku dalam
Keindahan penantian
Terucap keraguan hati yang bimbang
Yang terhalang
Kepastian cinta
Aku... hilang...
Aku... hilang...
Tersabut kabut malam
Terbiasnya harapan
Yang tersimpan
Sejuta bertuan
Terasa kerinduan hati yang bimbang
Yang terhempas kepastian cinta
Dengarkanlah permintaan hati
Yang teraniaya sunyi
Dan berikanlah arti pada hidupku
Yang terhempas
Yang terlepas
Pelukkan mu
Bersamamu
Dan tanpamu
Aku hilang selalu
+ahha! newest addiction. i likeeee...
hola!
aaaa... lapaaaaaar nyeeeeee
hey ppl! its been almost a month since my last post. been away for a while. actually bile da balik tak teringat pun nak update mende alah nih. because aku sangat laa tak semangat and tade motivation nak masuk balik ofis. i'm not just havin monday blues but possibly everyday blues. bleh? huhuu. plus blogging had kind of lost it's charm
tp oleh kerana sekarang ni rasa lapar yang teramat serta kebosanan di tahap melebihi paras- paras abnormal telah menyebabkan aku terfikirkan ini blog yang telah lama aku abaikan. lalu keinginan untuk menaip (atau merapu) something datang secara tiba- tiba
sekian, terima kasih. inilah post aku yang paling bosan (macamla yang lain menarik sangat pn) haaha
aaaa... lapaaaaaar nyeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey ppl! its been almost a month since my last post. been away for a while. actually bile da balik tak teringat pun nak update mende alah nih. because aku sangat laa tak semangat and tade motivation nak masuk balik ofis. i'm not just havin monday blues but possibly everyday blues. bleh? huhuu. plus blogging had kind of lost it's charm
tp oleh kerana sekarang ni rasa lapar yang teramat serta kebosanan di tahap melebihi paras- paras abnormal telah menyebabkan aku terfikirkan ini blog yang telah lama aku abaikan. lalu keinginan untuk menaip (atau merapu) something datang secara tiba- tiba
sekian, terima kasih. inilah post aku yang paling bosan (macamla yang lain menarik sangat pn) haaha
aaaa... lapaaaaaar nyeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
