the day i'm mildly thinking why oh why??

~there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go ~Author Unknown

different people do different things for different reasons. yeah, yeah, i get that. but this person, doing this thing? and may i spit this out loud; for whatever f***ing reason you scum?

i'm gonna put this in a metaphor (kind of)

situation:
you had a dog A. you loved it dearly and vice versa. or at least you thought so. until one day, it suddenly bit you hard, leaving a wound so deep until you boleh dikatakan menderita kerana penyakit anjing gila for years after. and you parted ways. you gave it up to an animal shelter or something, though you went there willingly occasionally to pat it. some time later, dog A came back with a dog B and dog B suddenly wanted to make nice to you, for no obvious reasons. nak ke be nice?

i don't get it. why nak make friends? ke aku yang lembab when i say i don't get this? and why so ignorant? knowing something and yet..

si gila, stupid asshole, #$%@##@!#$

sometimes you feel like a fake. talking nice to the face but bitching behind his back. but you couldn't help it. you would so love to spit everything out, to pour out all of your dissatisfaction and hurt straight to the dog. like 'oi! why you bite me a?'. but you just can't. you don't know if it is because you couldn't or you wouldn't. couldn't because doing that means admitting that you still yearns for the dog which will make the dog prouder than ever. and wouldn't because you do not have the heart nor the courage to do it for the sake of past love. and for fear of losing the you-dog friendship. although it had not bring any good whatsoever, it is still THE friendship, something you NEED to keep though the reason is oblivious even to you. did that made you sound like a cowardice?

i don't know who's more stupid here

(a) dog A for always being so ignorant and had the nerve to bring dog A to make nice
(b) dog B for wanting to make nice. i mean, what the hell were you thinking?
(c) you for continuing to pat the dog even though it had shitted on you many times before. owh, and you can expect more to come in the future too

dumb, dumber, dumbest. take your pick readers

~the language of friendship is not words but meanings ~Henry David Thoreau

to the dog: i wish you could mean what you say. walk the talk, you dog! and sorry for the dog reference. no pun intended. well okaay, maybe just a little. but i just couldn't think of any other metaphors right now okay

the day i'm talking about music and chiaki senpai =)

warning: this post may be filled with lots of photos and bias comments leaning towards chiaki senpai. hehe

My idea is that there is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. ~Edward Elgar

i have always loved listening to music. and music is kind of my escapism. i turn to music whenever i'm sad. tuning into something to distract my mind, something to cry on, something to laugh on. and it actually works you know. music as a theraphy. for me la, at least. anyway, i listen to songs, music with wordings. it never really came to me to listen to music only. like instrumentals i mean. besides kenny g's the moment, and that's just it

but recently, i came across this japanese drama, nodame cantabile. awesome gila! it had once been aired on 8tv but i didn't catch it back then. now dapat pinjam cd and the story was layaaan siot. about a number of students in music school. gorgeous chiaki who specialized in piano and violin but dreams of becoming a conductor. and cutie- pie nodame who learns piano but just wants to play it happily and dreams of becoming a kindergarden teacher instead. and other characters as well like the gay masumi, si gatal milch stresseman, pengerusi rambut naruto (lupe nama)

so the story revolves around each of them trying to achieve own's dream, playing in an orchestra, having the biggest crush on chiaki (who wouldn't?) and berebut chiaki (again, who wouldn't? hehe). anyway, this is a must- watch. the comic- like performance was damn funny. i have yet to watch the sequel which i am waiting patiently. hmph. here's some pixs

chiaki dlm pose ingin membuli nodame. dan yang lain masing2 dlm pose pelik. hikhik

part of the cast

the comic version. the tv series was adapted from this original version. gila sebijik

haish. sweetnye lah..

and this is the oh-so-gorgeous chiaki senpai!

his actual name is hiroshi tamaki

chiaki working his magic on the violin. sangat berlagak in an adorable way

suka suka suka! i lurve music. and chiaki senpai of course. hehe. the whole story was filled with classical music at all times. from mozart, schubert, beethoven and all those genius musicians which i can't quite grasp their names. the music was really nice though, thus another reason to enjoy the show! bravo! do go watch ok?

There is in souls a sympathy with sounds:
And as the mind is pitch'd the ear is pleased
With melting airs, or martial, brisk or grave;
Some chord in unison with what we hear
Is touch'd within us, and the heart replies.
~William Cowper

the day i'm quoting of lurve

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. ~Author Unknown

Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford - but you'll take him anyway. ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975

haha. funny but true, innit?

the day i'm keen on expressing my thoughts through songs

~it's those sweet little nothings that make her feels like something~

Kukatakan dengan indah dengan terbuka
Hatiku hampa
Sepertinya luka menghampirinya

Kau beri rasa yang berbeda
Mungkin kusalah mengartikannya
Yang kurasa cinta

Tetapi hatiku
Selalu meninggikanmu
Terlalu meninggikanmu
Selalu meninggikanmu

Kau hancurkan hatiku hancurkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu
Kau terangi jiwaku kau redupkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu

Membuatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi
Membuatku merasakan yang tlah terjadi
Semua yang terbaik dan yang terlewati
Semua yang terhenti tanpa kuakhiri

+ ku katakan dengan indah by peterpan

often times we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. though that doesn't mean that we've stopped loving them or that we've stopped to care. sometimes, goodbye is a painful way to say i love you

Takkan lagi aku menunggu
Kau hadir di dalam mimpi-mimpiku
Puasku mengharapkan dirimu
Seperti mereka yang punya cinta

Diriku tanpa dirimu
Kau tempuhi penuh bahagia
Diriku mahu kau tahu
Pedih ini kau tak terasa

Warkahku mengharapkan dirimu
Seperti yang aku kenali dulu
Setiaku menantikan dirimu
Seperti setianya terhadap diriku

Tapiku melepaskan mu
Melangkah namun tak berdaya
Terusku terus menunggu
Cinta yang takkan pernah ada

+warkah by bau

the day i'm reporting my kl trip and the weekend as well

surprisingly, we didn't get lost and arrived damn early. 0730 i tell you (due to a certain person's advice to move early to avoid traffic jams). even warga kerja intan pun tak sampai seawal macam tu. registration started at 0830 and so we went to the cafeteria to kill some time

the talk was BORING as predicted. lin slept through out the whole talk while i managed to remain awake to catch a few bits of it here and there though there were those times occasionally in which i sailed away briefly to slumberland. talk ended and we went straight to midvalley and then back to bangi. again, without getting lost! wow, sangatlah kagum ye dengan kebolehan navigation diri sendiri. although i was quite blur differentiating kiri and kanan at almost all times. haha. and i put the blame on the signboard. seriously

so here is what i did in points. cause i'm too malas too elaborate panjang2

+ upon arriving, ate nasi daging merah dan malam keluar p cari jalan and later makan sate kajang. sampai sangat kenyang. ni la org kata eat till you drop

+ no shopping since the paying line was damn long and i didn't have the time to queue before the movie. sangat kagum dan gembira duit tak habis

+ watched the dark night. awesome awesome! the christian bale sangatlah handsome and macho in his batpod. and the joker? chilling performance yang gila hebat and psychotic. why so serious? love love!

+ minum air soda ceria at nymph's little garden. weird as it sounds, the drink managed to cheer me up though. haha

+ screamed my lungs out at the music box. reminisced some old, pathetic memories during some layan, jiwang songs. yuck

+ makan nasi dagang, packed my things, bought dunkins and balik

+ the house was empty since everybody were out everywhere and i forgot to bring my damn keys. had a friend to drop me in front of my house, panjat pagar, then lepak luar for a good 30 minutes in the nice cold wind from the rain, while eating mocha frost and listening to broery marantika's jangan ada dusta di antara kita. relaxing siot..

+called a certain someone twice. dia dah ada nombor maxis. i was not sad then but am sad later and now. weirdo

sunday was spent finishing nodame cantabile and spending some time with the drop dead gorgeous chiaki senpai! hehe. but the evening was spent moping around and crying. didn't even had dinner and went to sleep early. ish. apakah ini?

~what doesn't kill you makes you stranger~

the day i have a reason

another reason to get out of the office! yay! we got a letter yesterday about an executive talk somewhere in KL. and we were practically jumping at the chance to go there. haha

we don't give a damn about that talk. chances are probably 170% that it will be boring nak mampos. or more. who cares about that talk anyway, except maybe 'whatever' (this is a person which i unfortunately cannot disclose any name). we just wanted to get out. anywhere is good enough even if it is KL yang jauh just for a 2hour talk. although my heart is not really actually in it tp redah aje la

tak integriti kan? and so this evening we will leave dgn tak integritinya to KL for a talk about integriti. haha. gila ironic

ps. am thinking of how to tell big boss. we tak mintak permission pun. pandai2 buat keputusan sendiri nak pergi. ala.. bolehla boss.. semalam nak bagitau tp boss tak datang office pulak (alasan, but it's true!) teehee. boleh eh?

+edited at 0850
settled. boss da bagi permission. he said that the speaker is his friend (siapakah yang bukan? connection dia ni sangat maha luas) and he said "hangpa pegila. pastu boleh bawak balik pape nota. aku nak tgk sket ape dia nak cakap". ouch! ~baru ingat nak buat2 sesat and singgah midvalley instead. ish (chances are high that we will get lost. tak tipu!)

the day my boy is super shiny!

i gave my boy a bath yesterday. and i must say it was a pretty darn good bath. and i was quite proud and amazed of myself. di atas sifat kerajinan aku yang sangat tiba2. haha

it all started with me feeling really bosan. bosan yang amat sehingga rasa nak hantuk kepala kat dinding berulang kali. i wanted to go out but i had no companions and didn't feel like going out alone sebab kalau nak keluar pun i didn't have a place to lepak or go to. if taiping ada wayang i could happily go catch a movie alone. soon, perhaps *winks*

anyway, tiba2 teringat keadaan my boy yang sangat kasihan kerana lama tak mandi. the original plan was to send it to the carwash (apa boleh buat, dah memang dasar pemalas) but since it was sunday semua orang pun cuti. so, i decided basuh sendiri jelah

and suprisingly, i had great fun! maybe it was the fact that it was my own boy, my own property that i was washing, i did it full- heartedly. dengan sangat bersungguh2 ok. i spent a good an hour and a half giving it a good scrubbing, mandikan dengan shampoo, siap vakum lagi kat dalam. if i'm not mistaken this is only the second time i have properly washed my boy since i had it. sebelum ni adala basuh jugak tapi just pancut2 air je. i know, gila pemalas kan? after finishing, felt really happy and there was this feeling of content watching my super shiny boy =)

maybe i could keep doing this every weekend. it's not that hard and it is kind of fun. or maybe part of the fun was that it was raining heavily while i was doing the washing. so takdelah terasa panas and the wind was blowing nicely. kadang2 kuat kadang2 lembut je. mesti orang lalu lalang pelik tgk aku basuh kereta dalam hujan (although bawah bumbung la) yela. selalu orang basuh kereta pagi2, masa tgh panas sebab nanti boleh jemur bawah matahari. apa nak buat, i'm not a morning person and so i did the washing at 2pm. ok jugak ape. hehe

ps. since my boy is now shiny and dust- free, i hope takdelah sape2 org office yang tempted and gatal tangan nak tulis nama kat my back mirror lagi ok?

the day i'm feeling great

today is off to a great start. upon waking up early in the morning, i read a text from wahida yang buat aku tersenyum (eh, mcm lagu sheila on 7 pulak which is totally a sweet song btw. hehe)

then, while ironing my clothes tadi, i was actually smiling to myself when i remembered that today is friday! only one more working day before the weekend! up until yesterday, i thought i had only reached wednesday. 2 more working days. ugh! but while taking my shower yesterday, tiba2 tersedar

'eh, hari ni dah khamis la'

sebab teringat malam tu takde anything interesting on tv. ish. what is keeping me so occupied ni sampai dah tak boleh bezakan hari

i am not smiling to myself anymore right now. nanti orang tengok pike pelik pulak. but i am still all smiling inside. a big smile =)))

owh. i wish i can be like this everyday. finding joy in the simplest things. be it the fact that today is friday, or seeing the cutest buncit boy riding in front of his titanic motorbike ever so cutely, or the fact that i'm wearing a new baju kurung hari ni (hehe), or simply feeling an unexplained swaying satisfaction hearing the song follow through (eh?)

i need to learn how to celebrate each day with joy. even if it is just another ordinary day, takde yg special pun, but i will learn to celebrate the day itself. for everyday is a celebration of life! cheers!

the day i need to step outside these walls

I can't believe what is in front of me
The water's rising up to my knees
And I can't figure out
How the hell I wound up here
Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day
Then the rain came pouring down
And now I'm drowning in my fears
And as I watch the setting sun
I wonder if I'm the only one

Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly
Sometimes I fall
But I've seen it done before
I gotta step outside these walls

I've got no master plan to help me out
Or make me stand up for
All the things that I really want
You had me too afraid to ask
And as I look ahead of me
I cry and pray for sanity

These walls can't be my haven
These walls can't keep me safe here
And now I guess I gotta let them down

I got to break out...
I got to break out...
I got to step outside these walls
Love outside these walls
I feel my heart breaking
But its a brand new day
I'm going down
I'm stepping out
I'm stepping outside
These walls
(I've seen it done before.. I'm walking on, I'll walk it off, oh I'm moving on)

+these walls by teddy geiger

the day i was told "hang nampak sekeping"!

ahaha. that came from my boss. boss yang sangat ku sayang. you know, all this while he kept saying that i was berisi, muka bulat (memang betul pun. hehe) lepas kahwin nanti dah beranak mesti gemuk and all those sorts of things

but yesterday after meeting yang seperti biasa ada jamuan, there were heaps of leftovers (bihun goreng, his favourites) and he told me to tapau back home. and out came those keramat words:

"makan banyak sikit. selalu pakai baju kurung je nampak berisi. hari tu pakai seluar nampak sekeping je. takde pe dah tinggal"

note: incident pakai seluar tu was during a football match between pejabat2 tanah in perak and i changed into t- shirt and jeans to support the game after work

heheee. actually i have never even once thought that i'm sekeping. in other words, aku sedar diri la. maybe that came from an old man's point of view who cares and have my best interest at heart

speaking of my boss, i think he is superb. kalau nak banding dengan boss pizza dulu (hmph!), he is way better. zillion times better. damn strict but can be lenient at times. suka bersembang. smart. handsome. ada gaya seorang boss, rambut macam sultan azlan. hehe. and i look up to him very much. he is perfect for the memory of my first great boss which i will not forget soon enough! =)

the day i'm missing these words

your wish is my command

mish! these words and the person who used to constantly uttered this long ago. uh- oh

the day i'm telling you about my boring weekend

weekend ended with the teeniest bit of disappointment over the lost of our netball team. we played well, really well in fact. but minus our sharp shooter (she injured her knee), playing was a lost cause. bola sampai tapi tak boleh nak score. frustratednya rasa tengok. tengok jela kan. coz i did not play any single game. haha. other players were better and careful enough not to get injured. and the only player injured was the shooter which us, the reserves were incapable of replacing. sigh..

my weekend was a bore though. besides cheering for the netball (and gaduh while supporting as well. sangat la childish, i know) i did nothing much. bosan. masa tu tak taulah kenapa tp sangatla teringin rasa nak lepak dengan someone. but that someone was not back to hometown for the weekend. disappointment again. and so saturday morning and evening was spent on netball. malam watched some tv shows. sunday morning netball again. and petang tidur mati from 3-8pm. dasyat dan agak tak sedar diri nampaknye. night was spent on tv. again. could my life get any more boring than this?

+just got a text from wanxara saying she had landed on the land under the wind. uuuh. bestnye.. aku pun ingin ke sana bah. hehe. best of luck anyways dear friend!

okay. i'm gonna be off to yet another boring meeting. ish

the day i'm thinking. hmm..

+so true. whatever happens, life still goes on =)

the day i think it would be quite nice if someone is there to catch me

Every time
I close my eyes
It's you
And I know now
Who I am
And I know now

There's a place I go
When I'm alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I'm fallin'
That's where I'm goin'
Where are you goin'?
Hold it close, won't let this go
Dream catch me
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won't come back at all

You do so much
That you don't know
It's true
And I know now
Who I am
And I know now

See you as a mountain
A fountain of god
See you as as a descant soul
In the setting sun
You as the sound
Just as silent as none
I'm young

+dream catch me by newton faulkner

the day i kind of feel a lil bit better

just got back from the hospital. went for a drive around lake garden while finally eating something. i haven't had anything since morning. and i am feeling a little bit better. though my chest still hurts with every breath i took. and just now, it looked like one dose was not enough. after examining me, the medical staff asked whether i wanted another round. NO! already my chest felt like bursting with every deep inhale and you were offering me one more? takpelah. i think i'll pass. besides, i was feeling better already. my hands are shaking while typing this. i guess i need some rest. or some food. i'm starving! but not having the mood nor the appetite to eat. hhuhu

the day i feel awful

i'm not feeling really well today. had a major asthma attack yesternight. it had been so long since i last had one. it all started with a game of netball. i was already feeling sick before the game. what with the fever and non- stop coughing. tapi gatal jugak nak main. and yesterday we finally had full attendance and had enough players to play a full court

and so we played, and i was the centre. gila penat like hell. running around like mad all over the field. great fun, yes but much greater penat as well. we only played for about 30 minutes but that was enough to cause me gasping heavily for air. after finishing, my face felt really hot. macam semua blood da rushed up above my head. cc and lin pointed out yang muka aku merah gila. my heart was beating faster than you could call normal. and i could not wait to get home for a refreshing bath

balik semalam okay lagi. bila da malam, my breath started wheezing and i was like, uh- oh please no. but then, my old friend finally came jugak. suffice to say, i could not sleep the whole night. woke up feeling not much better but went to work anyway and here i am, typing this feeling like my chest is about to explode. i feel like my lungs are being squeezed in a teeny tiny bottle which makes breathing hurts. inhaling and exhaling are one great deal of a thing to do right now

am thinking of going to the hospital. later. dunno why i don't have the courage. padahal ni benda biasa. i have done it before. just that i have not done it in a long long time. and that makes it scarier. uhuhu

ptg ni de game lagi. friendly match. hope i can just sit on the sidelines and jadi pom- pom girl jelah

the day i'm dead bored

what is up with me? bosan dengan kerja. constantly feeling bored which is really tiring. you know my post the previous day, where i was praying for the rain to stop. well it did. just at the right moment. and mr sun peeked out from behind the cloud and shone oh- so- brightly. and i was so happy, all perky, getting ready to have some fun out.

+wahida ckp redah aje la hujan tu. bukan hujan besi. i was actually gonna play netball dear. how plak nak redah hujan. how nak tangkap bola if there was very limited, poor eyesight. and how nak main if orang lain dalam team tak nak main coz of hujan. takkan nak kejar bola sorang2. nak passing kat sape. sadisnya. huhu

anyway, when the rain stopped, i arrived at the field, there were only 3 of us. 4 including the coach. how laaa nak main??? argh.. tekanan betul. the others could not make it. ada hal, something holding them back at the office, cuti, pergi kursus. frustratednya.. so we lepak2 for a while (hell, there was no way i was going back to the office!) then we decided for a game of bowling. training ye. bukan suka2 nak main (albeit there was this big part of me yang nak skip work involved. haha) but it turned out all the lanes were fully booked for a tournament. masa ni jugaaklaaa semua orang sibuk nak main pun! we hung out by the railing, smelling the nasty smell of the biggest tong sampah ever, chit chatted for a while and switched to our next destination; the kopitiam. it was already 1620 and tanpa sekelumit pun rasa bersalah, kami bertiga lepak di itu kopitiam sementara menunggu jam 1700 when one of us would be off to fetch her child from school and another one would be able to drop me at the office to pick up my car. haha. after picking up my car, i did not even punched out, i made an impromptu decision, drove to the lake garden for a 15 minutes jog. you could say i was inspired by sepi. hahaha

+sepi was just an average movie by the way. it was okay but did not really meet my expectations. face it, we viewers could not help comparing it to cinta since both are the works of the same director. and i could definitely say cinta wins hands down. way way way better (my opinion je la kan) but the lake garden was exceptionally beautiful and breathtaking. and luckily my companion was not that bad. haha. if my friends will be planning to watch sepi this weekend, i'm afraid i will fall asleep as soon as the lights go down! though maybe i'll stay awake for afdlin's story at the beginning (where there were more cameos than in other stories; sazzy, irma hasmie and her on- screen husband which i don't know his name, abg naz!, chelsea ng) afdlin's part was the only highlight of the movie. except for the view of lake garden la. teeheehee

today, a game of bowling later at 1600. so yeah. an hour off early is better than nothing. so i'll be going back at lunch hour to fetch some spare clothes. and maybe get some sleep if i'm lucky. and then off to the lanes leaving this ancient building behind (i love the office but i don't love the office. get me? huhu)

+yesternight (monday night) was so dull without prison break. the season had finished airing last week. no more seeing the amazingly handsome-babyfaced-striking eyes-talking in whispers-genius-scofield. what boring monday nights i will face days ahead. sigh..

the day of Hari Curi Sedunia

a forwarded message from a friend:

"jika hari ini adalah Hari Curi Sedunia, apakah yang akan anda curi dari saya? hantar msg ini kepada semua. anda akan ketahui apa istimewanya anda. jawab dulu soalan ini tau"

and so i forwarded it to 4 persons. my credit balance was not sufficient enough to permit me for more. and these were the answers i got back. in the exact context and wording

person 1: curi masa u. nak spend dgn korg slama2nya
person 2: CURI DUIT
person 3: nasi paprik semalam
person 4: sy nk amek keta myvi awk. ps2 nk jam 245. pe lgik ek yg u de?

haha

person 4, like i replied yesterday, NO. hehe

person 3, must have been really hungry close to starvation sampai nak curi dinner aku the previous night. hmph

person 2, materialistik? haha. or else thought wrong. ingat aku ni banyak duit sangat ke??

person 1, ur answer is so sweet and thoughtful. that was exacly what i replied to the friend who sent the message to me in the first place

"erm. curi tu haram. hehe. i nak curi masa u sket la bleh. rinduu nk lepak"

sweet tak. hehe. but that was what i really felt. i need more time. not that 24 hours for a day is not enough. but i need more ample time with my friends, people close at heart, to really enjoy my days like i used to. i want to be able to meet my friends anytime i want no matter how far they are. ini tak. banyak sangat kekangan. restraints. main problem, all of us are now scattered everywhere. and time also stood in the way. there never seems to be enough time even on weekends, in fact, especially on weekends. the ones in perak pun susah nak meet up, inikan pulak yang kat kl, melaka, etc. so, pintu suka hati then, i guess? =)

i think the real point of the message was to show how special you are in other people's eyes. physically, materials or in any other ways. actually, it was not something i thought, cause it was stated clearly in the msg. maybe some ppl did not notice it, or did not think out of the box, or simply malas to think and main jawab je. hehe

"anda akan ketahui apa istimewanya anda"

so, people were supposed to answer things like your beautiful eyes, or hidung awak yg mancung, or your hourglass cutting or your salary or your new, shiny laptop. haha. that was just to name a few. i had thought about that kind of answers before replying. but then, could not think of anything physical or material i wanted to take from her. because i think God created us equally, each with our own uniqueness. she is special. so am i. there are some things she have that i don't and vice versa. and so why would i want to take anything from her? just to make things fair?

by thinking that, and answering that i wanted to take some of her time to spend it with her, that did not mean that she will not know what is special about her, but i guarantee she will know how a special friend she is to me =)