the day i'm bouncing back and hoping i'll bounce higher!

the weekend was spent in a blur. bengang over someone and the emo from all the other things happening around me hit me with a full force that i spent my friday night and my saturday sulking and moping around the house like a zombie. with my hair piled up high and my fringe pinned back. macam orang dalam pantang. talking to no one and only opening my mouth whenever necessary like 'ayah, mana spray ubat nyamuk?' or 'mak, mlm ni makan ape. lapar'. i felt like i was a candle, burning and melting slowly, wasting myself away. unwanted. i know too, that i was being childish and also extremely rude but i can't help it. i hate it when i was being pushed, being forced to do things i don't want to. and you just got me at the wrong time

but the good thing that came out of it was that i cleaned my room a little bit. kemas meja, vaccumed the floor, cuci kipas

and i spent some time reading. a thing that i haven't done in quite a while. so i read this book about a woman who felt that her life was empty. she became a restless person, taking up many activities like dancing, calligraphy, went to courses, read one book after another to fill up her time. just as a way to avoid those blank, empty spaces, the moments when she felt nothing was happening and she felt absolute emptiness, in which no love existed. quite similar to how i felt. maybe i can learn something here. but i haven't finish reading yet. so i can't tell you what's next. nanti dah habis baca i'll update

anyway, i decided to snap out of this mood. it is getting me nowhere. and i know no one can help me but my own self. nak wallow in sadness kadang2 tu boleh la. tapi takkan selamanya nak macam ni kan? why waste myself lama2 for something yang totally tidak mendatangkan faedah? i can be better, feel better. only i have the power to control how i feel, how i should behave. and i don't know if i can do this. but i can try, and i certainly will. so cheers people!

ps. wah.. positivenye?? let's just hope i can keep this up for long! =)

there is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune but omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and mesires. on such a full sea are we now afloat and we must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us
~ julius caesar